A Touch Of Humour:

A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well; however, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs in his crotch.

Worried that it might be a second surgery the doctors hadn't told him about it, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital; gown up enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable. Taped firmly across his pubic hair and private parts were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn't come off easily, if at all.

Written on the tape in large black letters was the sentence, 'Get well soon, from the nurse in the jeep you pulled over and booked last week.'

Fundamental truths are easy to recognize because they are verified daily through simple observation.

The best line I ever heard was when this young ethnic background kid was being reprimanded for the last time before being fired. Predictably, the ethnic youth said to the shop foreman, "You're firing me because I've got an ethnic background!"

The boss paused, reflecting on the comment and said, "No, we had to hire you because you have an ethnic background. We're firing you because you're freaking useless!"

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is sex after death. Their biggest fear was that there was no after-life at all. After a long life together, the husband was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first contact:

"Marion? Marion?" "Is that you, Bob?" "Yes, I've come back like we agreed." "That's wonderful! What's it like?" "Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course. I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times. Then I have lunch (you'd be proud - lots of greens). Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it's back to golf course again. Then it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again"

"Oh, Bob are you in Heaven?" "No .... I've come back as a rabbit in Mildura."

My friend Harry just got sacked from his job with Lifeline. Someone called Abdul phoned and said, "I'm lying on the railway track waiting for the train to come".

Not thinking, Harry said, "Remain calm and stay on the line" . . .

An international aircraft arrives at the Charles De Gaulle Airport in Paris. As the passengers file through the customs, one of them is taken aside for a random bag search.

The customs officer asks him: "Nationality?" He replies: "German."' The customs officer then asks: "Occupation?" He replies," No, not this time. I'm on vacation."

A morning radio station was inviting listeners to call in with their nicknames for their wives. The best call was from a guy who called his wife "Harvey Norman". Why? "No interest for 48 months."

During these serious and troubled times, people of all faiths should remember these four great religious truths:

1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's Chosen People.
2. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian world.
4. Baptists do not recognize each other at the liquor store.

A well-worn one-dollar bill and a similarly distressed fifty-dollar bill arrived at a Federal Reserve Bank to be retired. As they moved along the conveyor belt to be burned, they struck up a conversation. The fifty-dollar bill reminisced about its travels all over the world. "I've had a pretty good life," the fifty proclaimed. "Why I've been to Las Vegas, Paris, London, Dubai, the finest restaurants in New York, performances on Broadway, and even a cruise to the Caribbean."

"Wow!" said the one-dollar bill, "You've really had an exciting life!" "So, tell me," says the fifty, "where have you been throughout your lifetime?" The one dollar bill replies, "Oh, I've been to the Methodist Church, the Baptist Church, the Lutheran Church, and the Catholic Church." The fifty- dollar bill interrupts, “What’s a church?'

Walking through the jungle an elephant meets a naked man. The elephant slowly looks the man up and down and says, 'How the hell do ya feed yourself with that?'